All I want to do is help.

News drives me crazy sometimes. Something awful happens, it seems as if it’s all anyone is talking about all day. Then, like a passing stranger, it is forgotten.

In some cases I love this. It means that I can forget about all the terrible-ness that is reality. Ignorance is bliss. But in some cases things are pushed from our minds far to quickly. Forgotten before any real attempt to solve the issue has taken place.

Since October 15th I’ve been going over a certain tragedy in my head, again and again. For some reason it has tormented me. The suicide of Jamie Hubley. Perhaps it’s stopped me in my tracks because I went to the same high school he was attending. Or maybe I can relate to him in some way. I’m not certain. But regardless, this tragedy ignited an inner frustration with the school system that has been dormant since my high school days. It brought forth a sadness for a complete stranger that I didn’t think I was capable of. It has made me want to contact the school board, his parents, his friends, his teachers, to just talk to them. It’s as if I’ve lost a friend myself.

For me, Jamie’s death is a completely avoidable tragedy and it fills me with a rage so unlike me that this sort of bullying still happens. And, having read his blog, it fills me with despair that someone can be in such a terrible depression, convinced that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I know it happens, having have dealt with depression myself. But it just made me want to act. There must be a solution, to both bullying and teenage-depression. There must be. I refuse to believe there isn’t. I have so many possible solutions to help solve the bullying issue trapped in my head already. Having sat through absolutely useless anti-bullying assemblies in high school, I have been developing my own ideas on how to solve the issue. And although well-intentioned, having to sit on a cold floor while adults preach to you about not bullying, after having sat through World Issues where you’ve just been learning about the violence the world has endured at the hands of authority, does not help to instill a sense of trust in authority figures. It also does little to make youth feel trusted when you are all filed into a large room and lectured. Yes, it is necessary for there to be a discussion about bullying. But has anyone stopped to consider that perhaps teenagers should be trusted to have this conversation amongst themselves?

Depression is a whole other issue. One in which more attention is needed. And fast. I know very little about what sort of studies have been done on teenage depression, but having been a teenager once (obviously) and gone through the angst, and a certain amount of depression myself, I’m convinced that the teenage brain works in a way that adults cannot understand, despite having been that age once themselves. Life experience happens to be the ocean between teenager and adult, and it will take a certain type of adult to be able to bridge that gap. I once again advocate youth to youth counselling of sorts. Something I tried to set up myself when in grade 9 or 10, but was denied because I didn’t have the “education” to do a peer support group. If you sense bitterness right now, you’d be correct. Youth need to be trusted. If they aren’t then why would they try to act in a way that garnered themselves respect from adults? It’s basic self fulfilling prophecy. If you don’t trust youth solely on the basis of their age, than they will engage in behaviour that does not secure trust.

There is a whole system of failure that contributed to, not only the death of Jamie Hubley, but the death of all other youth. It’s a system that needs to be picked apart. I in no way am saying that teachers are to blame, nor bullies, for I am a firm believer that bullies are bullies because they too are victims of the same system of failure that Jamie was. As a society we all contribute to these sorts of tragedies. Perhaps we should begin to re-examine our own part in the story.

The Old Man

There seems to be facets of everyday life that we just brush off and ignore. Happenings that may not go unnoticed, but do go unconsidered. We are so used to seeing things that we forget to connect with what we are seeing.

In the middle of another one of my moments of self-deprecation I noticed an old man walking down the street. About to turn my head away, without another thought of the man, I decided to stare a little longer. He paused. Almost as if he was enjoying the urban scenery, but with a lingering confusion that betrayed him as he was; not quite with it. He was well dressed, wearing dress pants, white button up shirt, and beige sweater. But as he continued on his slow meanderings of the suburban landscape, I noticed that instead of shoes, he wore slippers. Grey, floppy. The kind that seem to indicate coziness and sophistication when in the setting of a home. But on the street they blended in with the pavement as if to enhance the sadness of this scene.

Turning away from the window I went to get a glass of water, and intending to go upstairs to write, I was drawn back to the window once more. The man had advanced on his journey. Once again paused watching a man mow his lawn. The suburbanite ignored the old gentleman, even as he waved his hand and called something out. He ignored him the same way a passerby ignores a homeless person. The same way a person averts their eyes from the crippled. How sad. Not only for the old man, but for us. For who knows what stories he has to tell. What lessons he has to teach. We will never know, because we will never think to ask. Just to ignore.

My body is slowly becoming a road map…

Beauty. I don’t think there is another word that conjures up as many images as this word does. But I find it frustrating that the images this word brings to my mind are not of my own creation. Rather they are created by the onslaught of advertisements, magazines, television, etc. that has steadily corroded my mind since my eyes opened for the first time. What an unfortunate thing. Unfortunate because these ideas of beauty that are so implanted in my brain exclude me. I am harbouring a definition of something that really, is so abstract that there shouldn’t be a single definition for it, and I am harbouring a definition that alienates me. But how do you redefine something of this magnitude? How do you redefine something to suit you, when all around you the old definition is being validated and re-inforced? It takes a hell of a lot of mental strength and energy to keep reminding yourself that you can in fact be included in a force that, by traditional definition excludes you. I have struggled with the appearance of my body. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am a little bit fat. I have learnt to accept that part of myself. I may not be a size 2, but I have strong arms, strong legs, and a body that suits my life very well. The one thing however, that I cannot come to terms with is the stretch marks. Everyday I wake up and it seems another one has popped up. I started getting stretch marks on my hips when I was 13. Coincidentally (or perhaps not) this was the age when I started feeling shitty about my appearance. Since then they have appeared on my legs and stomach. My body is becoming a fucking road map before my very eyes! This has been a source of embarrassment for me. I want my skin to be smooth and perfect. But instead it’s all scarred. But I’ve realized something important. The only reason I want my skin to be smooth is because Beauty has told me that that is what is ‘right’. But what is wrong with skin that is scarred? It has character. In fact, if I changed my perspective a little, I could perhaps revel in the awesomeness of skin. The marks are not ugly. They show how amazingly skin adapts to a changing body. Where Beauty declares these marks as an indicator of weight gain, I declare them as an indicator of adaptation and change. And there is nothing ugly about that.

Zabia Chamberlain I support you

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Dear Zabia,

You probably won’t ever see this, but I need to write something mainly because I’m so shaken by what has happened to you, and so many others.

I support you whole heartedly. I want you to know this. Assault is wrong. Assault of any kind. It kills me to hear you tell your story as your voice shakes. But you need to know that you are the strong one. He is the weak one. Anyone who abuses their power and assaults another person is weak, pathetic, and sick. I hope to hell that you get healthy and happy again soon. No one deserves to go through what you went through.

And this goes out to everyone else…workplace assault is still very much a thing. It is awful, and in a country that prides itself on having a democratic system, it is completely unacceptable! The fact that nothing was done in this situation makes my stomach churn. What the fuck!? How has this not been resolved! This is a person’s life. Does that mean nothing? Does the government care about the welfare of their employees? Obviously not.

Zabia keep fighting and keep singing. Know that I, and many others, are behind you, beside you, and with you every step of the way.

I refuse to call myself Canadian as long as this man is in power

Shit Harper Did

I try to be as neutral I can bring myself to be when it comes to politics. Generally I err on the side of caution and say that all politicians are corrupt, devoid of any empathy, and narcissistic assholes. But as I hear more and more about the shit Harper has done my skin crawls and my blood curdles. I’m incredibly pessimistic when it comes to the leaders of political parties to begin with, but I’d gladly take any of the other leaders over Harper. I don’t know if what I’m hearing is true or just propaganda. It’s hard to tell. It’s even more absurd to consider that, even with these stories floating around, he still got elected. WHAT THE FUCK!! Anti-abortion, anti-women’s rights, anti-aboriginal rights (and let’s be honest, they didn’t have that many rights to begin with), in essence he’s anti-modern. He stands against every single thing I believe in, everything that generations of people before us have fought for (in some cases to death), and I absolutely refuse to call myself Canadian if this is the sort of person Canada wants to represent the country. Today I am not proud to be Canadian. So get off your ass Canada, make some noise, and help make me proud again.

Man, how I love Adele’s voice!

It’s a flawed system

…And because I get a kick out of bitching about things I don’t fully understand, I am going to steer the conversation once again to Canadian politics! Yay! I’ve been trying to figure out what it is I hate about the Canadian political system…a difficult thing when I don’t really understand how it operates in the first place. But I’ve realized something. It’s the whole MP thing. So there are several MPs for each riding, and you vote for the one you want in. But what is flawed is the way in which we evaluate, and they try to win over voters. I was under the impression that the point of an MP was to go to parliament and bring forth issues in their community. A really awesome idea in theory, and one that I think functioned really well back in the day when there wasn’t any communication technology. Now however, things are different. We vote for MPs based on what they want to do, what they want to accomplish. But that’s not the point of an MP. The point is for them to communicate what we, the community, want to accomplish. What happened to that aspect of politics? The public has become so completely disassociated from the process. It shouldn’t be that we vote for the person who we most agree with, and then leave them to their own devices and let them do all the work. We should get ourselves involved. Vote for the person who best represents us, yes. But don’t stop there. When you see an issue notify your MP. If you have a suggestion as to how to make the community a better place, notify your MP.

That is the way the system is supposed to work. But the system is old. And it is incredibly old-fashioned. It needs a makeover. MPs have become very much obsolete because of the fact that if someone has a major problem with the way something is being handled, the first thing they are going to do is tell the world. They aren’t going to waste their time contacting their MP and then waiting for a response. They are going to alert all the newspapers, start a Facebook group, update their Twitter page, post to their blog, text everyone they know. MPs have become the snail mail of the political system–no one uses it except to send presents.

Another thing that struck me was how easy it would be to get youth to vote. Voting ONLINE!!! Holy shit! I guarantee you that if people could vote online, the voter turnout would go up astronomically. But it seems we are reluctant, for whatever reason, to try it. Okay fine. How to get youth involved in politics? Well, I think this is where we should take some notes from the U.S. Throw in celebrities! It seems that U.S politics and celebrities go hand in hand (to some extent). Presidents seem to become celebrities in their own right. I mean when have you ever seen someone wearing a graphic-tee with Stephen Harper’s face on it? Never! Mainly because his eyes are creepy as hell, but also because he has no celebrity appeal! Obama on the other hand has that. Hell, I’m Canadian and even I want a t-shirt with his face on it! That celebrity appeal has not been limited to Obama though. I’m fuzzy with American history, but JFK comes to mind, and then there’s Ronald Regan who was a fucking celebrity. Okay so I realize those are only two examples, but you get my point. There is a level of patriotism in the U.S that means the President becomes a celebrity, and I think that helps involve the youth. Come to think of it, I think having a younger person, versus white middle-aged guy, as the leader of the party helps as well. Or at least someone who has style. Canada had that with Trudeau. So yeah, he sort of started mega government spending and all that shit, but man was that kid hip! Harper did try to be cool when he took the stage and rocked out that one time (or was it twice?), but he’s just so…blah. Not to mention the fact that no amount of pre-arranged musical spontaneity is going to make up for the fact that he is a borderline dictator.

So let’s just say what no one wants to say…politics is a popularity contest. It is no different from high school elections for student council. You vote for the person you’ve heard of, and the person you’ve heard of is the hot quarterback who slept with the head cheerleader. So you want youth to vote? Show us the cool kids!

For the record, when I say show us the cool kids, I don't mean people like Donald Trump. I don't care how many models that man has slept with, he will never be cool.

The word on the street…and on the field…

The one topic on everyone’s mind this week is the killing of Osama bin Laden. I literally pissed myself laughing when I flipped through the sports section of my newspaper (something I never do) and saw his name in a headline. Holy shit, the news of that man has made it all the way to the Sports section! Usually this is the section I overlook because it only ever talks about sports (hence the title)…clearly though I have to re-think my reading strategy.

It was a short little blurb discussing the controversy of Rashard Mendenhall’s Twitter page. Who Mendenhall is I have no idea. I don’t follow sports, so Google it if you want to know. Anyways, to the point. Apparently he made some comments on Twitter along the lines of; what kind of people celebrate death, there are two sides to every story, I find it hard to believe that a plane could take down a skyscraper, we’ll never know for sure what actually happened.

Ya, so pretty heavy stuff. Obviously there has been outrage over his comments, but I have to say, I admire the fact that he had the balls to actually publicly say that stuff. I’m sure he’s not stupid, he would have been aware of the negative reaction his words would invoke. Yet he said it anyway. What was most striking however, was my own initial reaction. I read his comments and immediately thought ‘what a fucking idiot. You can’t say things like that when you know you have a public following!’ Then I mentally bitch slapped my ass. Celebrities and public figures should say controversial stuff like that. I think it’s important for different thoughts to be put forward and we all know that news stations aren’t going to be the ones who do it. Unfortunately that task falls to celebrities. I mean if they can be arrested for drunk driving, slander minority groups, and go on drug binges every other weekend, and still garner the love of the public, then I think they can get away with a few controversial thought-provoking comments. Or am I wrong? Ten bucks says all this guy will have to do is publicly apologize for his comments and by next week all will be forgotten. So for any celebrities reading this blog (bahahaha, not likely) say more controversial shit. Personally I’d get more amusement from that then hearing about another of Lohan’s shoplifting excursions.

First comes controversy. Then comes change.

The results are in

Stephen Harper is 'Winning!'

I hate politics. Despite the fact that I bitched about not wanting to vote in my last post, I ended up voting anyways. Mainly I succumbed to peer pressure. There have been various student rallies on various Canadian campuses encouraging students to vote. Whether there was actually a surge this election in youth voting, I’m not certain. But nevertheless, I voted, if only to be part of history. Incidentally, this wanting to be part of history is probably why I stayed up all night to watch the Royal Wedding, and skipped my lectures the day Obama was sworn into office. If shit is changing, I want to be a part of it, however I can. And shit is certainly changing whether we want to acknowledge it or not.

I don’t know much about the political system. I have my opinions about the ‘Harper Government’…wait I’m sorry, I mean the FEDERAL government. I realize Harper would like to brand the federal government with his name, hell he’d probably brand my ass with his name if he could, but I’m not buying it. It is the Canadian government. It is my government. It is your government. It is OUR government. It is not Harper’s government. I try to stay informed, which is difficult when you know that the information you are being fed is so convoluted and biased. But I do try. But it struck me today how angry I was that the Conservatives won majority. I can’t stand Harper for one thing. He is a dictator–in my opinion. The fact that he refused to release budget info, and as a result was found in contempt of parliament, yet still won an election, is disturbing. Not so much because of his actions, but because the Canadian population seemed to overlook his actions in the first place. I may be under a miscomprehension, but I thought that government was in the service of the people. We fund it, they use our money for the betterment of Canadian society. Is that right? If so, I’d like to know what the hell my money is being spent on. The refusal to give that information is a slap in the face. How stupid does Harper think we are? Oh wait…I guess he was right. We are pretty stupid. After all, no one called him on that did they? No one seemed to care. I think we should try to remember that just because we label Canada as a democracy does not mean that Canada is immune to anti-democratic behavior. We need to be wary and we need to question. If during the election campaign more of these issues were brought to light and questioned, I wouldn’t care if Harper won majority, because at least the Canadian population is wary enough to recognize there are issues. But it is this blindness that disturbs me. This willingness to just play the game without really understanding the cards.

No political party is perfect. But the election period shouldn’t be about trying to determine the ‘correct’ person to vote for. It shouldn’t be about winning or losing. It should be about making the public aware of the pros and cons. The issues that need to be addressed. Let me be clear; I’m talking about constructive criticism, not the shit throwing that the parties do back and forth in the name of securing voters. What it comes down to is making Canada a better place to live, or at least maintaining what we already have. But in order to do that we need to put new ideas out there, and provide solutions to the problems within each party. This means first acknowledging the problems publicly. But unfortunately politicians aren’t in the business of improving, they’re in the business of winning. If that means that have to sling shit at each other to tear the opponent down then that’s what they’ll do. This is why I hate politics. The tactics politicians use to win are the same tactics schoolyard bullies use in a desperate ploy to feel better about themselves. Perhaps too many are taking lessons from Charlie Sheen.

Another election…wtf?

There seems to be this concern about apathetic youth. Why aren’t young people voting? Why don’t young people care? Well I’ll give you my answer…because Canadian politics is all the same. Why the hell am I going to drag my ass to the polls when my choices are all the same: a)white, middle aged, upper/middle class man, B)white, middle aged, upper/middle class man, C) white, middle aged, upper/middle class man…etc. etc. If you want me to give a shit about politics Canada, give me a leader that actually stands up for things I believe in. Show me a leader who cares more about the welfare of Canada then getting re-elected. Show me someone who is brave enough to fight for things that won’t necessarily benefit their popularity, but that they believe in. A leader who gives a shit about poverty for instance would be nice. Or a leader who actually sees youth as an asset versus a pesky burden to be trained and molded into ‘good’ adults. Someone who believes in individuality, diversity, social welfare, not because they want to be popular, but because they really believe it. But I suppose that is an unrealistic expectation. Politics has become the ultimate rich man’s sport, functioning more as a business than an actual government, as politicians scramble to make the next shot. And I don’t want to play.